Thursday, July 23, 2009

Full Moon???

So nothing new has really been happening on the weight loss front. Eating has been good, workouts have been okay, could be a lot better, but I am working on it. :) So all in all nothing has changed. I'm okay with that for this week, but I'm attempting to rev things up a bit in hopes that it shows up on the scale next week. I ready to be under 200. Actually I am dying to be under 200. My day will come. Slowly but surely.

The one thing I do have to share is quite embarrassing. I hate a great NSV (non scale victory) today in the fact that my bi-polar lunatic boss actually complimented me. She found out through the gossip vine that I have been running and actually ran 8 miles for the second time on Monday. She stopped me and told me that all my running is paying off because I am looking wonderful. I was shocked, stunned and speechless. She NEVER compliments anyone and most often if she stops to talk to you, you shudder because it's most likely not a very good conversation. I kindly said thank you and went on my way as I was heading out to get some blood work done. As I was still stunned by this kindness I had received, I headed down the stairs, only to reach the bottom of the stairs and have my pants slip completely down to my ankles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was mortified. I quickly hiked them back up while scanning the area to make sure no body had seen me in all my glory.

I had worn my old fat pants (32 lbs ago fat pants) to work today as they are so darn comfortable. The only problem is that they have to we kind of held up when I walk as they like to slip and slide all over the place. In my state of shock, I forgot to hold them up as I was walking down the stairs. Hence the reason I lost them at the bottom. Thank god there was no one around, as I may of had to pack up my desk and look for a new job!!!

My piece of advice, is don't hold on to the fat pants. GET RID OF THEM WHILE YOU CAN!!! :) Mine are fixed temporarily with a safety pin now, so no more falling pants at least for today!!

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

A thanks and a running partner.

After so much needed advice on my post yesterday, I have decided that I should be happy for those I love no matter what the circumstances and just need to focus on what I am doing for myself. It's all about ME time right now, and fixing myself. A big thanks goes out to my mom for always being my biggest supporter. I don't know what I would do without her. She is my rock!! Love you Mom!

I was scheduled to run 9 miles last night in order to train for my half marathon coming up in less than 4 weeks. SCARY!!!! So I went out and felt great the first 4 miles. It was the second 4 miles that kicked my butt. I only made it to 8 miles last night, as my knees were screaming for me to stop. I wanted so badly to finish up that last mile, but I also knew I needed to listen to my body. I would rather run a mile less one night than injure myself and not be able to run for weeks.

My 10 year old son decided that he was going to join me on my last 4 miles. I was sure that he would end up wanting to go back home, so I had him join me and then was going to send him back home after 1 mile as that's where we pass the trail that leads straight home. Well once we got to the 1st mile (or my 5Th mile) he decided that he was in this thing for the long haul and he wasn't going home at all. After a few short walk breaks and a stop for him to stretch, he made it all four miles (8 miles for me). I can't believe what a great job he did. I have been dying for a running partner, and low and behold, I gave birth to one. He said he had a lot of fun and wanted to go again tomorrow. Those dang kids have so much energy. Good job on your run Joey, Momma loves you!!

Monday, July 20, 2009


As of today I am now down 31 lbs. It has been a long hard 6 month fight, but I am still motivated and still fighting. However, I do feel horrible about myself and need to get it off my chest. Perhaps I need some kick to the head or a wake up call. I'm sure a kick to the head would be quite the wake up call. So perhaps I'll get a two for one!! :)

My best friend of 10 years, is also a heavy girl. For about 2 years we were inseparable and spent every waking moment with each other. During this time, we were each other's worst enemy. We would pig out and eat all kind of garbage and the other wouldn't even bat an eye at us. We were a train wreck really. During this time I reached my highest weight of 255 lbs. I was miserable. My BFF was quite a bit slimmer than I, but as her fat friend I feel like I enabled her to gain weight along with me. Our 2 year damage fest quickly slowed down, when we both got married and had children. We didn't have all that time to spend with each other anymore. We were and are still very close.

So there's our background. So fast forward about 8 years later and here we are 6 months ago. My BFF was desperate to lose weight and even considered gaining weight so that she would qualify for Lap Band. I kept yelling at her telling her how great I was feeling, and trying to motivate her to hop on the bandwagon with me. She was very reluctant until 4 weeks ago. She ended up seeing a doctor and they suggested this appetite suppressant, mega energy pill thing. I'm still not quite sure exactly what it is. In combination with this magic pill, she has also cut her calories to about 1500. In these last 4 weeks she has lost an amazing 19 lbs. I am astounded. She is also doing it without even working out.

So here's where my selfishness and kick to the head comes in. Every time I get a text message from her I want to just scream. It's always 1 lb down, 1.2 lbs down. Over and over and over again. I am happy for her really!! But somewhere in my sick twisted head, I want her to fail. I want her to gain some weight and fall off the bandwagon. This is my BFF!!!! What the hell is wrong with me. I just don't get it.

I am so happy for all of you when you drop weight, sometimes so proud of the things you have all accomplished. I get sad when you have a rough time, and wish so badly to help you pick up the pieces and get back to it. So why do I want bad things for my one friend I would do anything for?? I know that I am VERY jealous of the fact she can drop 19 lbs in 4 weeks and it takes me 6 months to drop 31. Perhaps I am fearful that she will just blow by me and drop all her weight while I'm still riding that train up the mountain.

I'm sad that I feel this way. And am trying everything I can to get rid of it. Perhaps baring all my demons to you all will help me overcome this jealousy and selfishness. I hate the weight devils and the things they do to us all. I just want to be happy for her, and happy for myself at the same time.

Thanks for listening and I'm ready for the kicks to the head now!! Let the beating begin!!!!!

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Graphic Post!! Enter with caution!!

Okay, so this post is very unrelated to weight loss, but I just had to share. As you may know I have two little boys. One is 10 and the other is turning 3 next month. They are wonderful children most of the time, and like typical boys get into things constantly. Again, I am warning you that you may not want to read this next part of my post if you have a bad stomach, as it is about to get pretty graphic!!! :)

You still wanting to read this???????

This is your second warning!!!

Well, the other night after work, I came home, greeted the family and changed out of my work clothes. My littlest, Logan, asked to watch a movie, so I turned one on for him in my bedroom. He was happy as he got to hang out in mom's bed and watch a movie. My other son was on the computer, so I was thrilled to spend a little one on one time with my hubby. We sat on the couch together and turned on the evening news. It was really nice. About 15 minutes into our quality time, I began to smell the most awful smell. I look over to my husband trying to figure out what the smell was. He looked at me with the same wonder. I started laughing as I was trying to tell him it wasn't me that smelled like that. He seemed to think it was my feet, as they were sprawled across his lap. The nerve of him to think that such a horrible smell could come from me?????

The smell was not going away, so I called out to my oldest son to see if he had gone to the bathroom and was now smelling up my house.

He yelled back "NO,.........but why does it stink like POOP!!!

So this leaves one person left to question. I was hoping that Logan had needed to use the bathroom and had taken the liberty to do it on his own. He had really taken to the whole big boy, using the potty thing for months now. Normally he tells me when he has to go and I go in and help him.

I walked to the bathroom and found the most horrific sight I had ever seen in my life. My sweet dear child was standing in the middle of the bathroom. Only the problem was that the ENTIRE bathroom was covered in POOP!!!!! Gag me seriously.

I stood there in awe, yelling to my husband "You have got to be kidding me!!!!" There was poop smeared all over the entire floor, footprints and all, poop all over his legs, feet, hands. It was on the doors, the toilet, the cabinets, all over the door handle. I don't think there was a single spot he missed. He was VERY thorough in making sure he covered every inch of that bathroom.

As I stand there ready to cry, looking at this huge mess I have to clean up and wondering what would possibly make a child want to do this, I notice my bedroom!!!! There are poop footprints all over my bedroom leading from the bathroom. He had literally taken a break from his poop playing to walk himself into my room and watch a few minutes of his movie, only to return back to his mess making.

Seriously????? Can a child really do all of this in such a short period of time??? But he's almost 3??? Don't they do this sort of thing when they are babies, not 2 years old???? Why my child
???? Blech!!!

I wanted to cry. I wanted to run away, cry and call a cleaning company to come in and take all of this nasty mess away. This was the one time in my life where I didn't want to be a mom anymore.

My mom says that he did this because I let him play in the mud all the time and he's not afraid to get a little dirty now!! But.........THIS WASN'T MUD!!!!!!!!! Gag, Gag, Gag!!!!

Needless to say I got to scrub a bathroom and walls for about an hour, while my husband shampooed the carpet in our bedroom. I have never felt so grossed out in my entire life. I would rather give birth 100 more times than clean up that horrible mess. The smell was infused into my nostrils for hours afterwords. I think I washed myself like 10 times that night, thinking I had it somewhere on my. I would have bathed in bleach if I could have.

So when your young children are misbehaving and acting up, just remember what they could be doing! Young children and silence just do not mix!!!!!! There is trouble brewing if you can't hear them.

Does this little cutie pie look like he would ever do something like that??? He definately keeps me on my toes and I love him for it!!

So if you made it all the way through my post today, I completely understand if you never come back EVER AGAIN!!! I wouldn't blame you!

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Woot! Woot!! That's me tooting my own horn!!

I've been MIA for some time now. But don't worry I've been on track, just uninspired to write!! That is until today!!!

When I started this journey of weight loss back in January, I never imagined what I could accomplish or what I was capable of accomplishing. I was fat, unhappy and extremely unmotivated to do anything. But in 6 months time I have changed my life completely. I am still fat, but on my way to healthy, I am probably the happiest I have ever been, and most of the time I feel like I could conquer the world. I have lost 30 lbs so far, nothing extreme for 6 months but I'll take it. I feel healthier and that's really all I want right now.

I'm sitting here reflecting on how far I have come because last night I accomplished something that terrified me, actually horrified me because I didn't want to fail and deep down in my heart I knew I couldn't do it. But............. last night I RAN 8 MILES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I really did it! I set out to run 8 miles and I did it. I never gave up, (even though my mind kept telling me I was nuts for trying to run this far) and I accomplished something I never dreamed I could do. Of course I walked for about 5 minutes total throughout the run and stopped at 4 miles to take in some water and some GU (FYI - This is the grossest stuff I have ever tried to swallow!! But the boost it gave me was AMAZING!). But I still made it to 8 miles! And let me tell you I'm not walking to well this morning. Every muscle in my legs are screaming! Oh well, they'll get over it!! :) LOL