It has been forever since I have blogged, and I have so many new things to share! Ü Where oh where to I start! LOL

Let's go back to January...........I started back up at the gym and tried to get back in to running. I was beginning my journey and second attempt at training for a half marathon. The treadmill just wasn't cutting it for me at ALL!!! I hated being on it every second. There's something about hitting the pavement that makes my legs keep going. Except in my case it turned out to be the ice!

I began running outside every night. I would get home from work, lace up my shoes and head out into the cold. I was derailed quite a few times as the weather would be unpredictable and suddenly snow 6 inches. This made running outside for the next few days seem impossible. Especially when it was bitter cold.

But I did it! I actually trained for a half marathon, in the winter, in Alaska!! I will say that my runs were wet, cold, and snowy. But it made me feel that much stronger. I felt like I could conquer just about anything I wanted!

April came quickly and I was finally in Salt Lake City picking up my bib. It was an overwhelming experience. I can't even describe it. It makes me tear up a little just thinking about it. The months it took me to get to where I was. The hours of running. The pain I pushed through. I was about to wake up and run 13.1 miles.

April 17th I ran 13.1 miles and crossed the finish line in tears. I had actually done it!!!!! But.......let me tell you some of those tears were because I didn't have to run another step! :)

I was feeling really good at mile 7, 8, and 9. But once I passed that 10 mile mark, my mind was ready to quit. I had trained to 10 miles and felt pretty good. What was another 3?? It was torture! lol Add in the fact that is was also 70+ degrees outside and that I had trained in 20 degree weather. But after 3hrs, 23 minutes and 29 seconds, I crossed that finish line. I had accomplished a half marathon before my 30th birthday. I only had 4 days to spare. :)

I have been working on losing more weight, as after the half marathon I got a little lazy and put back on some weight. About 15 pounds to be exact. I began a somewhat controversial diet and have lost another 25 pounds. And have successfully maintained this weight loss for some time now. I'm an now under 200 pounds and am weighing 197!!!! I have officially lost 37 lbs since starting this weight loss journey some time back. I know it's not a lot, but I feel amazing!!!!

This is getting kind of long now, so I'll post more tomorrow about what kind of diet I have been on! Have a great day!!!! :)

So it's been my second week back at the gym. Lost 3.5 lbs in my first week and am happy to report the the scale hasn't consumed me everyday. I set out to weigh once a week, and so far in a week and a half have only weighed myself twice. Not too bad I don't think.

My running has been coming back to me rather quickly. I managed to get in 2 miles on the treadmill today. My love hate relationship with the treadmill is breaking. We seem to be coming to an understanding. Yesterday and today was actually quite easy. I find it helps to kind of play a game on it. Run at a higher speed for 2 minutes and then slow it down a little for 2 minutes. It helps the time go by faster.

I'm really just ready to go run outside. Unfortunately living in Alaska and dealing with -3 degree temperatures doesn't really sound like a fun time to me. Today it's warmed up to about 17 so I'm thinking I will attempt to go out tomorrow. I love running outside. I feel like I am actually accomplishing something.

Food has been really good as well. I really haven't had any bad cravings at all. I'm making sure that I am making good choices about what I eat. Looking for food to really give me the bang for the calories. I have found a new love in cream of wheat. It's crazy to me, but I LOVE it. It tastes so delicious and keeps me full until 11 or so when I head to the gym. I'm getting 4 hours out of it, so it's working!!

A New Year

I can't beleive that I haven't blogged since August. Kind of sad really. I think life got so busy that I forgot to make time for myself and then got stuck in the routine of not doing anything. That's okay though. It's a new year and I've only gained a few pounds since I let go of everything.

I have new motivation, as I am getting ready to train for a half marathon. Yes, AGAIN!!!! This time I am going to run the Salt Lake City half marathon with my Aunt. It is on April 17th, which is 4 days before my 30th birthday. What a great birthday present to myself. I headed to the gym today and actually got on the treadmill. I was really scared that I was going to get on and have my body violently throw me back off asking me what the hell I thought I was doing. You know you get quite used to doing nothing for a few months!! I started out slow and finished my first mile in a little under 14 minutes. nothing fantastic, but a start back. it was actually a tone easier than I thought it was giong to be. I think my poor body has been waiting to get back on!

My eating has been on track for the last couple of days. Amazing what motivation you can muster up when life throws you something excited. So I'm back and ready to kick some more weight to the curb! I have a ton of catching up to do!! :)

Getting back to ME

I started my work week out on a good note. I made it to the gym after work last night and it felt wonderful. Never again will I go back to the gym after work as that place was INSANE!!!! There were so many people there. I'm used to going during the day when there's only a handful of people around. Definitely a new experience for me. It was also so very hot in there. Must have been the hundred bodies working out. I couldn't stand it. I made it through my strength training and then took off as I had a portrait session to get to. My goal is to make it there every day this week. I know I can do it, it's just getting my mind to work with me!! :)

This weekend was a great one. My littlest man just turned "3" yesterday and it was kind of a sad day for me. I can't believe my baby is that old already. Time for more????? Don't tell my husband I said that!!!! hee hee! We had a birthday party on Sunday for Logan and he was so dang cute. It was definitely his day. He was so overwhelmed when it came to opening presents. It was like he didn't know if he wanted to open the next present or just rip into the toys he had already opened. The funniest thing of the night was when he was opening a box that had squirt guns in it. He pulls out the squirt guns and his face just lights up. Then he says this " Oh, WOW!! These are bad ass!!!" I couldn't believe it. He had the whole room going. I was a bit embarrassed to say the least. His daddy got in trouble for that one, as that is his saying not mine!! :)

Nothing else new has really been going on. Still busy with photo shoots, work, football and home life. I'll have to post pictures soon of my football nights. He looks so dang cute in all his gear. Hope you all are well, as I have some major catching up to do!!

I'm Failing.....

Life for me lately has been.......well what's the right word??? Let's just say the right word doesn't exist at this moment. I'm juggling my job, my photography business (that seems to explode right when I am at my breaking point), football for Joey (5 days a week, 2 hours a day and soon to be 6 days a week!), and then housework when a spare moment flashes by. I'm sinking I think. I feel guilt for not working out 100% like I was, I feel guilt for not running in over a week, I feel guilt for neglecting business priorities, I feel guilt for having a not so clean home, and I feel guilt for stretching myself so thin that at times I become a monster to my family.

I feel all of this, plus to add on to it I am so deathly afraid that since I haven't worked out like I used to for the past 2 weeks that I'm going to get fat again, and not get back to my losing. It's killing me. I can't take it anymore.

So with a heavy heavy heart, I had to give something up temporarily. The one piece of guilt that has been aching in my heart for the last few weeks. The one that is the weight of 1000 bricks. I guess I'm hoping that by "temporarily" giving this up I will be able to think more clearly and focus on what is more important, being able to spend a long life with my family. So in order to focus more on my workouts, clean eating and pure fat loss, I am giving up on my goal of my half marathon. :(

I'm very, very sad about it. But unfortunately I put too much on my plate and I need to straighten it all out. I missed my 10 mile run on Sunday, and I feel like I have failed myself and I can feel myself starting to give up on everything. Maybe if I can let go of that one heavy burden, then maybe I can get back up to where I was. Get rid of what's dragging me down.

Even though I may not be competing in the half marathon this summer, I will make it next summer. I'm proud of myself in that a few short months I have gone from not running at all to finishing a 9 mile run. I feel like I have accomplished the world already and I am perfectly content with that. I don't have to worry about these long runs and can now focus back on my shorter 4 mile runs. The runs that I love doing. I'm going to get back to what makes me happy.

Thank you to Dawn and my mom for supporting me so much. I couldn't have gotten to those 9 miles had it not been for your encouragement and constant inspiration. You are both wonderful women and I appreciate everything about you. You've given me a goal to reach for and I can't thank you enough.

I'll be back tomorrow ready for a second beginning!! 32 lbs down and counting! (No loss in 2 weeks, but no gain either!! I can live with that!)

Full Moon???

So nothing new has really been happening on the weight loss front. Eating has been good, workouts have been okay, could be a lot better, but I am working on it. :) So all in all nothing has changed. I'm okay with that for this week, but I'm attempting to rev things up a bit in hopes that it shows up on the scale next week. I ready to be under 200. Actually I am dying to be under 200. My day will come. Slowly but surely.

The one thing I do have to share is quite embarrassing. I hate a great NSV (non scale victory) today in the fact that my bi-polar lunatic boss actually complimented me. She found out through the gossip vine that I have been running and actually ran 8 miles for the second time on Monday. She stopped me and told me that all my running is paying off because I am looking wonderful. I was shocked, stunned and speechless. She NEVER compliments anyone and most often if she stops to talk to you, you shudder because it's most likely not a very good conversation. I kindly said thank you and went on my way as I was heading out to get some blood work done. As I was still stunned by this kindness I had received, I headed down the stairs, only to reach the bottom of the stairs and have my pants slip completely down to my ankles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was mortified. I quickly hiked them back up while scanning the area to make sure no body had seen me in all my glory.

I had worn my old fat pants (32 lbs ago fat pants) to work today as they are so darn comfortable. The only problem is that they have to we kind of held up when I walk as they like to slip and slide all over the place. In my state of shock, I forgot to hold them up as I was walking down the stairs. Hence the reason I lost them at the bottom. Thank god there was no one around, as I may of had to pack up my desk and look for a new job!!!

My piece of advice, is don't hold on to the fat pants. GET RID OF THEM WHILE YOU CAN!!! :) Mine are fixed temporarily with a safety pin now, so no more falling pants at least for today!!

A thanks and a running partner.

After so much needed advice on my post yesterday, I have decided that I should be happy for those I love no matter what the circumstances and just need to focus on what I am doing for myself. It's all about ME time right now, and fixing myself. A big thanks goes out to my mom for always being my biggest supporter. I don't know what I would do without her. She is my rock!! Love you Mom!

I was scheduled to run 9 miles last night in order to train for my half marathon coming up in less than 4 weeks. SCARY!!!! So I went out and felt great the first 4 miles. It was the second 4 miles that kicked my butt. I only made it to 8 miles last night, as my knees were screaming for me to stop. I wanted so badly to finish up that last mile, but I also knew I needed to listen to my body. I would rather run a mile less one night than injure myself and not be able to run for weeks.

My 10 year old son decided that he was going to join me on my last 4 miles. I was sure that he would end up wanting to go back home, so I had him join me and then was going to send him back home after 1 mile as that's where we pass the trail that leads straight home. Well once we got to the 1st mile (or my 5Th mile) he decided that he was in this thing for the long haul and he wasn't going home at all. After a few short walk breaks and a stop for him to stretch, he made it all four miles (8 miles for me). I can't believe what a great job he did. I have been dying for a running partner, and low and behold, I gave birth to one. He said he had a lot of fun and wanted to go again tomorrow. Those dang kids have so much energy. Good job on your run Joey, Momma loves you!!