I had Mcdonald's this morning......

But I only got a Sugar Free Vanilla iced coffee, and a fruit and yogurt parfait!!!

I really wanted a big greasy breakfast sandwich and hash brown though. I made it through my craving!!!!! Yeah!!!!

Trying to live with obstacles

The other night I went grocery shopping with my husband so that we could get stuff for our lunches for the week. I wanted everything to be planned out so I knew what I was eating and so that nothing could sneak it's way into my mouth! Well everything was great until we went to checkout. The cute little cashier is scanning our groceries, and I felt like Miss Health USA because everything was clean and lifestyle friendly! We get to the end of the grocery line and the last item to be scanned in is the bag of apples I picked out. 5 to be exact. One for each day. I was happy and excited until I heard a choke, that sounded somewhat like a deep mumbled full on bitch session! Yes, my husband was irritated with me because I spent $5.60 on 5 apples. (FYI - We live in Alaska so cheap fruit is hard to come by, and yes this was cheap for us!)

I JUST DON"T GET IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm trying to make myself better and here he is complaining about a lousy six dollars I spent on apples! What the heck. He never bitched about the bags of chips, or the $30.00 spent on hot wings, or the countless bags of grease laden, fatty, artery clogging foods that make you gain 6 million trillion pounds. No he has to bitch about the one thing that will help me lose weight.

Never mind the fact that I deal with food temptations and the desire to binge daily. He has to come in and complain about an apple! I want to stuff my face with a box full of Twinkies right there, and I can't even stand Twinkies! *Don't worry, I didn't binge, indulge, or satisfy myself at all! I had a point to prove here!*

Next week I'm going for the expensive fruit. That will really get him going! Hee Hee

I've realized something today.......

........for the first time in my life I have lost more weight on my current life changing journey than ever lost before. I've always lost 12 pounds here, 16 pounds here, and ended up gaining it all back. I have actually lost 20 lbs to date!! 4 lbs more than any previous attempt. And to make it even better, I have no intentions of giving up or returning to my old ways.

So what is the difference this time?? After a few lengthy conversations with myself ....(really....I'm not crazy!) I have realized that I am ready this time. I'm really ready to shed my fat coat and come out once and for all. Is it all a mentality thing? Do you really have to be ready to lose weight for it to come off?? Of all the success stories I have read, every single one of them has tried 10 billion different diets, and all ending in the same failure. So why did the last one work? Why did it finally all come together?? My thoughts are that these success stories finally believed that they deserved a happy ending! So regardless of what your doing to lose weight, your mind has to be in the same boat, you have to want it more than anything you have ever wanted before.

And I'll just say that right now I've never wanted it so badly in my life!!

5K Heart Run!

So Saturday morning, I was up early with a stomach full of knots! I felt like a kid on Christmas morning. I just couldn't contain myself. I got everything together and headed out the door to meet my friend Brittany at the race. The unfortunate part is that I got myself very lost trying to get there! I don't know how....... as Anchorage really isn't big at all!! I had to finally park myself in the parking lot and have Brittany come and get me. I was really a mess. I think I was freaked out at with what I was trying to attempt. I mean can I really run 3 miles straight weighing 215 lbs??? I felt like I was going to see myself as a failure and sabotage everything I have been working for.

We finally made it to the race start and picked up our race bibs and time chips. I was number 1538. Probably a number I will remember for the rest of my life!!! We ended up waiting for about 20 minutes before they actually started the run. It really felt like we were standing there for 10 years. It kept getting more and more crowded (6,500 people crowded) and my nerves got more and more frazzled. Finally they announced that they were going to begin. they sang the national anthem (nothing like goose bumps in 40 degree weather. We're talking goose bumps on top of goose bumps here!) and counted down to the start. Here we go.......AAAHHHH!

Before the run!!

So as soon as we started going I cranked up my Ipod and we were off. I ended up losing Brittany and felt bad but I had to keep going. My only thought was finishing my 3 miles in under 45 minutes. I was being passed left and right and really realized that I was pretty slow, but at least I was doing it. At one point this elderly man passed me and he was power walking. I guess that's part of the difference in 6 foot legs versus 5 foot legs!! HA HA I passed the 1.5 mile marker and was amazed at how good I felt. The next thing I knew I was in the home stretch and it was the most amazing experience. Everyone along the way is yelling for you, telling you to keep it up your doing a great job. I finally made it to that finish line chute and gave it everything I had. I crossed the finish in a big ball of tears. I really completed a 3 mile run at 215 lbs. And I beat my goal by 1 minute!!! My official start to finish time was 44:01:05.

After my 5K run!!!

I really did it! I really conquered my doubts and proved that I've had this in me all along. It's just taken a really long time to come to realization........a really long painful time!

My Aunt is a Marathon runner and her and her friend gave me some great advice. It's not how fast or slow you are........ You need to run "your" run!........ One foot in front of the other........ The hardest part is getting to the starting line.

My mother has also been the biggest support for me. She believes in me when I don't believe in myself. She's my motivation a lot of the time as I keep myself going hoping to make her prouder of me than she already is. Thank you mom for helping me through this and always believing I am capable of more then I let myself believe!

My next goal is the run for women. 5 Miles here I come!!!!!!!!!!!

Speaking of running

As I was on the treadmill today for my 2 mile run, this long legged beautiful, tan blond hopped onto the treadmill next to me. At first I was feeling pretty good, thinking at least I'm doing something for myself, and one of these days I'll look like her. Well she starts going and let's just say she was like some running goddess. Huge long strides, looking like a million bucks and running like crazy. I turn to the wall of unflattering mirrors in front of me and am instantly disgusted. I look like some crazed dog trying to get away from the dog catcher. My short height of 5'2'' and 215 lbs does not look pretty running on the treadmill. Especially next to Barbie.

I think I just want to be barbie that's all!!!

Updating....

I really don't have much to complain about today. Wow, does that really happen??? :) I feel good and I think my diet and exercise have taken off into an even better direction. The scale is dropping and now that it is spring all I want to do is be outside.

The 21st was my birthday. I normally work every birthday as it's not that big of a deal to me. Well this year was strange. Turning 29 has been frightening and eye opening. I really only have 1 year left until I'm 30. That's a huge milestone for me. I want to use this next year to the best of my ability and completely change my life. I want to be at a healthy weight, enjoy being active with my family and above all else just be happy! SO I took the day off of work

I spent the day with my husband, just enjoying the day really. We went to lunch and then stopped by a cycle shop and purchased two beautiful (and way to expensive) bikes. Who said getting in shape and healthy was cheap! We went out for our first bike ride and I loved it. Let's just say that biking outside is much more difficult than doing the stationary bike in the gym. I was pretty tired. Especially considering I was towing a 30 lb two year old in a bike trailer as well. My butt was so sore the next day though. I think I need on of those big mama seats. You know the ones that have 3 inches of padding and are so wide you are embarrassed to even get off of the bike. Yep, that's what I need!

Yesterday was busy as all can be with missing a day of work, so I wasn't able to get in a workout. I thought 10 at night might be a little late to go out for a run. It stays pretty light outside here now, but I was still a little scared. SO I made up for my missed run today. I headed to the gym and ended up running 2.15 miles. I was so thrilled with myself and the fact that I have the determination and the ability to do that. I am running the 3 mile heart run on Saturday so I'm hoping to make it all the way through without walking. All I can do is try!!

Anchorage Alaska Heart Run

So every year we hold a 5K heart run to benefit the American Heart Association. I've never even paid much attention to this run yet alone ever been interested. That's the fat girl in me. You hear the word run or even anything associated to using energy and it's like it never existed! Well I must be changing or just excited with my new found love of running, but I have decided to sign up for the 5K run that is this coming Saturday (April 25Th). I have been doing between 1 and 1.5miles, well really only 1.4 miles, for the last week or so. I figure with all the excitement and adrenaline of a real run, I should be able to do 3 miles no problem. It's getting through that first half mile that is the tough one for me. After that is smooth sailing. I'll let you know how it goes on Saturday!! :)

Have I told you that I LOVVVVE my Iphone?? Well, I do!! I found an application for it last week called Imapmyrun. It uses the GPS in the phone to locate where I am at, and then tracks my distance as well as the pace I am running. After I am finished running it saves my information in a training log so I can look back on it at a later time. I love it. It keeps me aware of how fast or slow I am going as well as keeping me from obsessing over how far I actually went. Three cheers for technology. What did we ever do before???

Here's to a great week full of accomplishments and weight loss.

Drum Roll Please........

OFFICIALLY DOWN 19 LBS!!!!



Running = Weight Loss


That's all for today. Just had to share my major excitement!!!!!

Striving for my goals

So yesterday was supposed to be my off day for working out. However, something inside me just wouldn't let well enough alone and I ended up going for a run last night. I had the most amazing time. I cranked up my Ipod put in my headphones and headed out onto the freshly uncovered trails. I don't know what it was but time just flew by and before I knew it I was already back home but not wanting to quit quite yet. So I took off for a bit longer around the neighborhood. All in all I ran 1.5 miles last night. I feel powerful almost. That I've determined myself to start running and to start training for a half marathon in August. For those of you that don't know, a half marathon is 13.1 miles. I was scared at first thinking that maybe I should have just signed up for the 5K since that would be easier. But after my easy 1.5 mile last night, I figured that in 4 months I can work myself up to 13.1 miles.


This is me and my littlest man after my run last night!

Never in my life have I really ever set a goal like this before. I've never pushed myself to really complete anything except for high school and a CNA program. I've never reached my goal weight, I've never worked out consistently, I've never really done anything above and beyond what I'm supposed to, yet alone finish it. I'm setting out to change that, and hopefully the next four months I'll find a new me along the way!! :)

The funny thing too, is that the scale seems to be dropping now that I bumped up my workouts. The last three days I have watched it drop down lower and lower and today it finally said that I am .5 lbs lighter than I was 2 weeks ago. I'll take it thank you very much! I know it's not a weigh in day, and I know it's not good to obsess over the scale and weigh yourself everyday, but it makes me feel good right now. I see progress and that's all I need. Yahooooo!

"Only those that risk going too far can possibly find out how far they can go."

ADDICTED!!!

Okay, so today I have two addictions!! And yes, one of them is food. But it's a somewhat good food at least. I am addicted to sun dried tomatoes and light Cesar salad!!! I just ate the world's largest salad I think, and I enjoyed every single last drop of it. Yummy!!!

So now on to my non food related addiction. I have found a new love and a way to push myself. Remember a few days ago (well really it was last week), how I tried out running and gave it a good shot. Well today was an even better shot. I don't know what came over me but I........ are you ready for this, cause I'm gonna tell you.........I ran a full MILE, plus an extra minute afterwards. YYYEEEAAAAHHHHH!!! It was unbelievable. I feel like I just conquered the world. Okay so my mile was a 14 minute mile, but hey I still did it. I had originally started out by walking for 5 minutes and then started my next 5 minute run. those 5 minutes flew by so I thought, let's make it 6 minutes. Eventually after 10 minutes of running, I decided to just keep going and finish out the mile. I got to the mile and decided that for some reason I needed to even it out to 15 minutes total. My mind wanted to keep pushing to 20, but I think my lungs won the battle as they almost exploded all over the treadmill. I don't think all the bottles of equipment cleaner they have could of cleaned up that mess.

But in all seriousness, I am super excited and can't wait to push myself to the next level tomorrow. I remember barely being able to do 15 minutes on the Elliptical machine, and eventually pushing my self easily into doing a full 30 minutes or more.

Tuesday Workout

20 min lower body strength training - 120 calories

5 minute walk, 15 minute run, 5 minute walk & 25 minute bike - 507 calories

Total Time: 1 hour 10 minutes

Total Calories: 627

I say that's a pretty fair workout for the day!!! :) Then after dinner tonight I'll take a walk with my little family. I couldn't post this without a picture and I forgot to take one of my delicious salad, so here's one from last summer. My two boys and me. My whole world!!

Here's to hoping my legs are still working tomorrow!

CuPcAkEs ;)

I made 48 cupcakes last night and didn't even eat a single one!! How's that for a little will power!!! :) ( however......I did lick the spreader after I was done frosting them!! Hey is was just a lick!) hee-hee

We'll see if I can hang on to that will power through Easter weekend! YIKES!

Wednesday Workout

So I accomplished my goal this afternoon and actually ran on the treadmill. I was amazed at how easy I found it to be. I remember 12 weeks ago I couldn't run at all. My shins hurt, and it was really just too much work. So even if I gained 1.5 lbs, I am still so happy that I ran!!! I ended up setting the program for 30 minutes and ended up doing 5 minute intervals of walking fast and then running. So in all I ended up running for 15 minutes. Can you tell I'm excited??? And you know what else, I actually enjoyed it. Maybe one of these days I'll get to run a marathon like so many of you have done.

Workout summary:

Strength Training Lower Body - 22 minutes / 152 calories burned
Cardio - 51 minutes - 623 calories burned
Average heart rate - 152
Highest heart rate - 172


Of course all this information is provided to me from my heart rate monitor. I love that thing. It was the best $150.00 I have ever spent. I would totally recommend it to everyone!! Oh.....and one more thing. The scale at the gym indicates I am down a pound from last week so I am hoping I was just a little puffy this morning when I weighed myself. Thank you gym scale!!!

Weigh In

Weigh in this morning was very sad for me. The scale shows I have gained 1.5 lbs. :( Who knows why and sometimes I wonder why it is so hard for my body to decide to lose weight. Perhaps it's fighting back after years of torture!! ha ha Oh well, I guess that's just extra motivation to get to the gym and switch things up again. Maybe finally conquer that treadmill and try running! Everything happens for a reason. Positive thinking right???

I am a faithful watcher of The Biggest Loser. I can't get enough of it. I think I find a lot of inspiration in Kristin. She always amazes me. She has lost an incredible amount of weight and keeps on going. She withstood the temptation of eating all that crappy food and showed it by losing 8 lbs. I want to be like her when I grow up!!

I know that weight loss is a lifelong thing and it will never happen overnight, so I guess if I've had a small gain that's okay. I know my body is changing, as this weekend when I went to put on my snow pants they were no longer tight!! I think last time I wore them they had to be left open at the top because they were cutting me off in the middle. Maybe it's time to start measuring and get rid of the dang scale.

So now I am at 15.5 down in 12 weeks. Still not too shabby! Maybe next week will bring more progress. I'll update you this afternoon and let you know how the gym went!! Thanks to all my new friends for all the encouragement. It is appreciated more than you know!!! :)

It's Tuesday!

I had a wonderful weekend out in the pure sunshine, but let me tell you it was so cold. It was about 18 - 20 degrees outside. We took our kiddos out to Eureka for a little snow machine trip. It was so nice to be away from the real world and just enjoy our family. To be away from the constant worries of counting calories and worrying about my next workout. I wasn't consumed with food at all. I still ate on plan, but I never once had that nagging voice inside my telling me I needed to eat more food. We spent the majority of the day outside and I ended up with a sunburned face as a result. I think this weekend was just what I needed. Proof that life goes on beyond counting calories and worrying about working out. That, I can go on the rest of my life with my new lifestyle.

Today I get to have lunch with my best friend whom I rarely get to see anymore. With kids and work and living about 40 minutes away it makes it kind of hard. I also get to have the world's best salad!! Yummy!! I am so ready for lunch and I have 3 hours to wait. Oh well.....I guess all good things come in time!!

Weigh in is tomorrow for me so I am hoping for a loss. Even a tiny one would make me happy!!

Why????

Okay, so I was feeling pretty good today and then I had someone at work take a full body picture of me. Now I am ready to cry and fall into the pits of sorrow! I feel like I haven't made any progress and it is disappointing. I know it's just the beginning and I'll keep on going but it is just still depressing. Why........when I was starting to feel really good???? Here's the pic. YUCK!!!

I look like a football player. Why such the big bulky broad stance?? AAAHHHHGGG! I want to just throw up. I hate it. I guess it's extra motivation to keep going to the gym. I like the face shots much better!! :)

Looking back......

Isn't it funny how you can look back at old photographs and think, man I wish I was that size again. And in all reality you really thought you were fat at that time. I look back at some older pictures and just wish I was back to that same me. Look at what I have let myself become. So here's a picture of myself about 12 years ago and boy do I wish I looked like that again.

Well minus the glasses I would like to look like that!! Those things are huge and hideous!! *hee hee* That just cracks me up!!

So in my search for a full body shot my mom commented and suggested that I post a few pictures from throughout my life. Here's some from baby on up. Enjoy the picture show!!


That's a baby me!!

That's me on the far right!

This is the year I met my soon to be husband only 11 years later!

16 years old!

Senior Prom in 1998!! Scary that I even just posted that pic! It's horrible.

Senior Picture. Looking kind of cute here!

21st Birthday and getting fatter by the day!! Shortly after this pic, I ballooned up to 260 pounds. It is quite scary and one of these days I will post the picture I have. I lost about 30 pounds doing the Atkins thing with my mom!

This picture is from November 2008, a month before I started this journey. Can you tell I am still trying to hide??

I am now down 17 lbs and so very happy with the outcome so far. Maybe I'll take an updated picture today to post!!

Pictures

I am having the hardest time ever. I have been searching for a full body picture of myself to use as my before picture. It seems as of right now to be non-existant. Funny how that is. I think back to getting pictures taken and me always telling my husband that he needed to zoom in closer and just get a shot of our faces. Really??? A fat girl doesn't want a full body photograph. Well, NO!!! That would mean she would have to look fat. And god forbid that a fat girl looks fat!! Who was I kidding. So needless to say, I am still on the search. There has to be some hideous fat girl full body shot somewhere. Let me know if you snuck one in on me. I know I don't have any. :)

Running

I am sitting here after a very great workout, wondering how I have evolved into this person I am right now. Never in a million years did I ever expect that I would be working out, doing an hour and a half of strength training a week and three hours of cardio a week. I feel strong, and I feel refreshed. I feel like a new person almost. Hard to believe that I let myself live the opposite way for so many years. So the gym was wonderful today. I went a little earlier than I usually do and it was quiet and peaceful. I managed 30 minutes of upper body, 30 minutes on the elliptical machine, 25 minutes on the stationary bike. Total calorie burn of 780!!!

Then for some unknown reason I had the urge to get on the treadmill and see if I could muster up the courage to run. SO I get on and start walking at a fast pace, with a slight incline. I'm walking and the whole time I'm telling myself bump up that speed and get running. Did I do it......NOOOOOOO!! I kept thinking to myself "everyone is going to be watching me". Running involves your whole body, and well, when your heavy that's just not a pretty sight. I really want to run though and I have no idea why. I've heard all the info about how bad it is on your body, and that women shouldn't run. Blah, Blah, Blah........BUT I WANT TO RUN!!!!! I even have been having dreams about running. Who knows why!! So my goal is to gather the courage to embarrass myself in front of the whole gym and just go for it. I'll let you know how it goes. :)

Here's a picture of my littlest man. He's just the cutest!!! I may be a little biased though!