Exercise and Insight

So my workout today was wonderful. Of course I was dreading every minute of it today. You know, one of those days that you just want to pretend the gym was closed and you wouldn't be able to make it there today. Darn it!! And I really wanted to go!! Yeah, it was one of those days. But I talked myself into it (kicking and screaming the whole way) and made it to the gym. Once I get there I am fine, it's just the getting there that seems to be the problem. I am sooooooo glad I went though. For some unknown reason the time just flew by. It was a great workout. I got in 30 minutes on the Elliptical, which normally even getting to 20 minutes seems like 100 years. Then raced over to the Stationary Bike for another 20 minutes. I bought a Polar heart rate monitor (the best investment EVER!!!) a few weeks ago and I love using it. I know I'm doing what I should, and it gives me such an accurate reading of calories burned. (BEWARE......The machines at the gym lie!!!!) The only downfall is that it beeps at you if your heart rate drops below what it should be, reminding you that you need to step it up a little. So that's great, but it makes changing machines complicated. I had to hurry and jump off the elliptical, go grab the towel and cleaner to clean it up for the next user, and then run over and get situated on the Bike. You would be amazed how quickly your heart rate drops once your off the machines. I'm sure I irritated a few gym goers by my beeping watch. They were probably like "hey, fat girl, turn that dang thing off!! Is that your timer telling you that you need another candy bar??" SO I busted butt as fast as I good to get my heart rate back up. Eventually it stopped beeping, and I could carry on with my work out!! 50 minutes of straight cardio!! Yeah Me!!

As I was heading out to the gym today, I was stopped by one of my co-workers. We are always joking around and bugging each other, so of course I gave him a hard time as I was leaving. He turned and looked at me and said " Man, I just don't trust you!" I was freaked out at first thinking, "oh my gosh, what have I done?? Why would someone not trust me" You know, those fat girl insecurities coming out. So he finishes his thought by saying "You are just smiling ALL the time!" WOW..... me???? I was stunned for a bit. So I climbed into the car and sat there for a minute, pondering what he had just said to me. No One had ever said that before. I'm a happy person?? I've heard a thousand time before, that I looked sad, or what was wrong with me, I didn't look happy. But NEVER has anyone ever said that I smile all of the time. Am I becoming happy? Is my weight loss affecting me more than just through the scale? After some deep though, I think so. I think that since I am trying to better myself, I don't feel so negative. I don't feel the pity party for myself. I don't feel like the fat girl that just ate her feelings with a bag of McDonald's. I really do feel generally happier. Don't get me wrong, I was never miss angry, negative all the time. More like shy and kept to myself and was basically afraid that if I stood out, people would see that I was fat! How foolish of me!! Of course they knew I was fat, they weren't blind!! So now I feel good, feel like I am doing something for myself and fixing the problems I created throughout my life. I am no longer the shy fat girl, but the happy trying to lose weight, feeling better fat girl. I have a ways to go, but it just gets closer every day!!!